


The Darcy House Hoax

by MightierThanTheToothbrush



Category: Pride and Prejudice & Related Fandoms, Pride and Prejudice (1995), Pride and Prejudice (2005), Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:40:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28129293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MightierThanTheToothbrush/pseuds/MightierThanTheToothbrush
Summary: Colonel Fitzwilliam is inspired by the Berners Street Hoax to prank Darcy, who seems down in the mouth after his second trip to Hertfordshire. Can he cheer him up? (Pantomime voice) Oh, yes he can!Sister story to 3tuxedocats Berners Street Hoax story, as we both decided to write a story inspired by this real life event.
Relationships: Elizabeth Bennet/Fitzwilliam Darcy, Jane Bennet/Charles Bingley
Comments: 12
Kudos: 76





	The Darcy House Hoax

The Berners Street Hoax was still spoken about on occasion in the Officers' Mess. It was seen as the prank to end all pranks, as the scale of it was unknown prior to the day in 1809, when every man and his dog appeared at the home of Mrs Tottenham in London. Chimney sweeps, cakes, coal deliveries, visiting dignitaries (including the Archbishop!), the poor lady and her staff had been swamped, due to the letters, pleas and invites of the prankster.

Colonel Fitzwilliam was a man who understood that it was correct to learn from everyone, friends, family, enemies, pranksters, they all had something of wisdom to impart. With this in mind he smiled to himself and began to plot.

* * *

Some time later Fitzwilliam Darcy was brooding in his study. His recent reunion, with the only woman he had ever loved, had been a disappointing mess. Her family had been hostile for the most part. She had barely raised her eyes to him, and his extreme despondency mirrored her level of indifference towards him.

Bingley was at least guaranteed a happily ever after now, at least that was what he believed his friend had written. You could not always be certain with Charles Bingley, whose hand moved across the page like a spider which had fallen into a glass of brandy and quickly thereafter an ink well. 

He was currently unaware of it, but his life was about to get interesting. 

* * *

The first surprise was the arrival of Georgiana and Colonel Fitzwilliam. He hugged them both, his ability to display affection toward those he loved was the silver lining to his rejection in Hunsford. His extreme reserve had brought him nothing but pain after all, and he had fought hard to become more open with his feelings. 

Even this break in his facade was not enough for him to impose himself on Elizabeth Bennet; her lack of fond feelings was enough to have him withdraw from her county, to try and act in a gentleman-like fashion this time around, towards his beloved.

Downstairs in Darcy House he could hear a commotion and wondered what was going on.

"Coz, Georgie, what on earth is that noise all about?"

"Oh, who knows brother? I should not worry about it." Georgiana smiled at Colonel Fitzwilliam, leaving Darcy to wonder what they were up to.

"Well I shall get to the bottom of it!" He exclaimed, striding towards the door. The others could not know that Darcy merely wanted for a distraction from his thoughts about Elizabeth. Why had she been so altered from Pemberley? Surely he had protected her peace of mind sufficiently?

The first real shock of his day, for Darcy, was to go downstairs and see crates of Champagne being brought into his house. Colonel Fitzwilliam's hand on his shoulder stayed his enquiring (and perhaps impolite) shout, as his cousin quickly pointed towards the Bishop of London, who was walking down the hallway. 

As the man happened to be Darcy's godfather and uncle, there was little to be said, especially not in a demanding voice. Surely there was a reason for his presence here?

Spotting the approaching party the Bishop smiled.

"Ah Darcy, my boy! A wedding at Darcy House! It is capital my boy!" This speech caused a small shudder in Darcy. Had he not unfairly judged the affable, but talkative Sir William Lucas for such a speech.

"Uncle, we are blessed to see you, sir, but a wedding? I know nothing of it!"

Colonel Fitzwilliam leaned forward quickly, "Darcy, did Bingley write to you? You know his sisters may still be hostile to his engagement."

Darcy looked askance at Fitzwilliam, who shrugged and said, "Bingley sent me an express."

Darcy could not form a reply, as servants started to steadily stream toward his ballroom with seats, and side tables for the champagne.

"Uncle, will you please join us upstairs? We can get you refreshed, and I would like to press a drink into your hand."

The bishop smiled happily at this idea, looking forward to time with his family. He walked with Georgiana, as Darcy and the Colonel followed them toward the drawing room.

After spending some time catching up with the bishop, the whole party was surprised to hear the announcement of the Matlocks arrival.

"Aunt! Uncle! How lovely to see you both!" Cried Georgiana with real enthusiasm.

She was held closely to her aunt and they spoke in whispers for a time, as Lord Matlock greeted his son, brother and nephew with warmth.

Soon the party was split into different parts of the room, as the bishop showed the earl some paperwork for the event, Lady Matlock scolded Darcy to take better care of himself, and persuaded him to freshen up, change and shave, in time for Bingley's arrival. As Darcy acquiesced, he heard Georgiana and Fitzwilliam speaking of bride's pie, of all the strange subjects!

* * *

As the small group of Bennets approached Darcy House, Elizabeth was filled with panic. Had she not been doing this for Jane and Bingley, she would not do it at all. She had no business intruding on Mr Darcy.

Fitzwilliam Darcy no longer loved her, or at least, if he loved her still, he could not accept the horror of connecting his beloved sister with the callous and disgusting scoundrel, Mr Wickham. As distressed as she was, Elizabeth could not find it in her heart to blame him. How unfair that she had only understood how much she loved him, as her chances ran out with the man.

That he haunted her dreams, she could not deny. Her pain was her penance for her mistreatment of him, he was the best man she had ever known. A man who saved her undeserving and thoughtless sister from disgrace. Who saved her whole family, and then brought Mr Bingley back to her sister.

Elizabeth could not help reflecting that Mr Darcy had fixed all of his faults and mistakes, when her biggest mistake still loomed as large as ever, in fact she was about to face him once more, the man she could have married.

She had not been able to look him in the eye at Longbourn, such was her shame and misery. She owed everything to the man she had named the last man in the world she could ever be prevailed upon to marry! Her regret at such sentiments was a living entity, which would not leave her in peace.

Seated next to Jane, she looked across the carriage at Mr Bingley and her father, eliciting a small smile and raised eyebrow from her father. Mr Bingley remained engrossed in gazing at Jane. 

All the while the carriage took them closer to her love.

* * *

As he entered the ballroom, Darcy was shaved, clean, and as smart as he would be as a groom, should he ever get married. He was surprised to see the couple of rows of seats in the ballroom were occupied, but could not discern for certain who sat in them.

As he made his way to the front, he could see Bingley and Fitzwilliam in close consultation. Reaching them he began.

"Bingley, congratulations my friend. I am so pleased that you reached an agreement with Miss Bennet. You deserve every happiness. I am sorry your sisters are causing you pain, by disagreeing with your choice. I am happy to assist you in avoiding their censure."

"Thank you Darcy." Smiled Bingley. "You know I am proud to be here as your best man, do you not?"

* * *

"What do you mean, you are not getting married!" Elizabeth stared at Jane, feeling shocked, upset and anxious.

"I am getting married, Lizzy, but not today. Today you are to marry Mr Darcy. Is that not correct Papa?" Jane replied to an open mouthed Elizabeth. 

Mr Bennet, who had succeeded in surprising his family on more than one occasion, was beside himself with joy. When Miss Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam had written to him, he had only opened the letter to decipher who he was about to ignore. 

The fun of the conspiracy was too much to resist however, and expresses between himself and the Gardiners had been even more revealing. 

That Mr Darcy himself had saved his family, swore off all credit for the deed, and then walked away from his daughter when he had believed himself unwelcome. Such a depth of love could not go unrewarded. This was especially the case when Jane had revealed more of the story.

Seeing that his clever, but stubborn, daughter was about to protest, he interjected.

"Elizabeth, do not fret so. He loves you, and I know that you love the man. You talk to him of your feelings when you are asleep, and Jane has told me enough of that, from sharing a room with you. Do not worry about Wickham, it is your feelings Mr Darcy could not discern when he came to Longbourn. And your feelings alone that matter to him.

"With hindsight I find myself feeling sorry for the man. To be so lost in love, but still unable to find hope. Your loved ones have decided to assist you both. You must get out of your own way, and walk naturally toward love and happiness. It is the greatest thing I can do for you, my love. To give you away this day."

With that Elizabeth could find no argument. She was outfought and outthought. 

* * *

The room was almost spinning, after Bingley's shocking reveal. Darcy looked at his cousin in desperation.

"But you said this was Bingley's wedding?!"

Colonel Fitzwilliam laughed at this.

"I did not Darcy, I actually said that his sister's may still be hostile to his engagement, and left you to make your own assumptions."

Bingley now joined in the laughter and patted Darcy on the back. Darcy had begun to notice new faces in the small audience, amongst them Mrs Reynolds, Mr and Mrs Gardiner and a few more members of his own small family. 

"Come on old man, your cousin and sister have produced a miracle for you. You can only say thank you, and count your blessings! Miss Elizabeth is to come down the aisle to you. Everything is in place, without you needing to do a thing. You will never need to speak to Mrs Bennet about lace, you lucky blighter!"

Fitzwilliam chimed in, "Father and uncle made sure you have a special license, and mother organised the wedding breakfast and much more, with Georgiana. You are a lucky man to have so many loyal to your happiness, coz. And you are a better man than you have ever been, after meeting Miss Elizabeth."

Darcy was overwhelmed, but could not let his cousin have it all his own way, even now.

"Coz, I will agree on one condition. You will resign your commission and accept an estate from me. My holdings include more than one, as you very well know. I may not be able to gift you the happiness you have gifted me this day, but I will give you the opportunity to gain it for yourself."

Fitzwilliam clapped Darcy on the back.

"It's a deal coz. Now let us complete this hoax, the greatest since Berners Street. In fact greater still, since it comes with a lasting happy ending."

Fitzwilliam Darcy smiled, a true and radiant smile, which was caught by Mr Bennet and Elizabeth, as they entered the room behind Jane. It gave Elizabeth the confidence to truly glow with joy as she walked toward her love. 

"That it does coz, that it does." Said Darcy, looking at the sparkling eyes of the lady he would love faithfully, for the rest of his life. 

"The greatest hoax to my mind, is certainly The Darcy House Hoax, since it came with an Elizabeth Bennet, delivered to my door and ready to be Elizabeth Darcy."


End file.
